Practice What You Preach

This is an old post I never published.  I don’t know why.  So I’m publishing it now.

Another unsettling dream for this military mom visited me in my sleep on Friday evening.  My son parachuting out of  a plane in his dress blues onto an American beach.  At least there was some comedy involved.  As far as I know, he’s not parachuting out of a plane onto U.S. beaches in his dress blues.  And as far as I know, the planes don’t look like a sardine can.  Yes, I know, at least I was able to frame the whole thing into a strange comedy in my altered state. The rest of it was a little disturbing, but rather than dwell on that part, I chuckled my way into the kitchen in an attempt to sketch the sardine plane, drank some  water, snuggled both pups and returned to bed when I felt tired enough to sleep again.

Part of my new “sleep hygiene” routine that is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that I’m trying on myself in an effort to sleep better, so that I can teach it ethically to others. If I can’t live it, I can’t really teach it to clients.

I wait for his next communication all weekend, the weekend is over and it doesn’t come.  The last was Thursday. Unsettling.  So I zenned up and made him brownies with bourbon and bacon in them to go in his box tomorrow. I posted it on his Facebook page along with a hint that mother’s day was coming and that there were LOTS of women who cared about him that he could shop for on line during his down time.  This always gets a chuckle out of him, because he’s just not a shopper and he rarely gets “down time”.

When I wake up in a few short hours, the post will be there and if I’m lucky, he’ll be there too.

I could not report the lost children of this war this week or last week.  I plan to do a special posting as a tribute to them later this week.  I simply didn’t have it in me to do more than read their names and say a prayer for their families.  Tomorrow I will make my way to the post office to send another box, which assures me that he’s there, he’s safe and waiting to tear into it and share it with his buddies.


Cold & Lonely

After a wonderful 3 days with my son awhile ago, I said goodbye again. Spending the evening with highly decorated service members telling me how much they appreciated my son’s work was one of the proudest moments of my life. Writing about zenning up as a military parent hasn’t been as therapeutic as it once was. I’ve been frozen at the keyboard, erasing everything that I write because even basic Information is too sensitive to share, even when our loved ones leave and come back in is too sensitive to discuss on the blog. So I’m finding my comfort in providing counseling services to our military through my practice as a therapist. I feel like I’m actually doing something, something honest and true to help these families. I miss my son. Last message from him was about the lousy weather. So of course I’ve spent the last few days feeling that lousy weather right along with him. I always take on the feelings of my kids. When my daughter gets sick, I feel her symptoms even though I’m not sick. When my son is tired, the fatigue I feel is overwhelming. He never states that he’s tired, but I can hear it in his voice. I worry. This time more than others. Praying more than usual. Through my work with the military I’ve learned so much. Too much. So now, I’m left to worry from a different perspective. Zenning up has taken on a whole new meaning this year. My son was able to see my granddaughters for a quick minute before he left. They adore him, just look at these faces. He has to come home safe for them. He just has to. alley and the girls Peace, love and little donuts.